In the past, I’ve told myself that long-distance relationships are stupid and I will never be a part of one. Here I am, a part of one.

A meta-level thought crossed my mind last night: Every time I heard my phone vibrate it was as if my girlfriend was saying “I know how you feel”, but from the other side of the world.

Right now I’m in a long distance relationship. She’s about 6,000 kilometers away. I have two forms of communication with her: Skype for video chatting, and Whatsapp for texting. And no, I can’t call. Those are my only two forms of communication with this person. And somehow, for the next 9 months we’re gonna try to make this work. We have to continue believing that we have something, and all I can do is learn to accept it. When I heard my phone vibrate last night, it was my girlfriend telling me that she is part of that same reality; that she, just like me, has to learn to accept it. We both do.

I’ve read several books talking about believing in “the process”, believing in universal principles, and how learning to apply them will inevitably lead you to success. It’s been done before, and you can do it too. They always work – they can’t NOT work. In this type of situation though, what works? What makes a long distance relationship work? How can it work, and how can it not work?

I can see it not working, but I can also see it working at the same time. Keeping each other updated, telling them you miss them, you love them, how much you can’t wait to see them, spending time together virtually, self-reflecting with one another, and basically being aware of one another’s growth. You do this in the hopes that you change together, instead of apart from one another.

Given our young age, a realistic part of me has to wonder: is this a waste of time? The funny thing is that, even as I type this now asking whether it’s a “waste of time”, I can see the bullshit in that. I know that it’s not a waste of time. The thing is when you’re 6,000 km away, and when you take travel costs into account, things get more difficult. The chances of you seeing each other again gets…fuzzy.

I think where this type of relationship falls apart is when you try to think beyond this point: After seeing each other, what then? What happens after that? You’ll have two months of fun, then what? Are you planning to see each other a few months after? Or are you only seeing each other for two months each year? And even then, it’s still not a 100% certain that we would. My girl is smart, she can easily get an awesome summer internship if she wants to. As happy as I would be for her, the selfish part of me would rather have her wrapped around my arms.

The thing is, there are certain belief systems that you can internalize to help you operate on a daily basis. Just as an example: if you’re flirting with a girl and you truly believe that you are awesome, as in you know that you have a lot of value to offer, then you can be successful in building attraction. Now if you’re flirting with a girl and you believe that she’s out of your league, that belief system won’t help you – you will inevitably fail.

That’s pretty much how I go about my day: thinking on a more “positive” note that we will see each other again. It doesn’t mean that you completely take out the possibility of you not doing so, because that falls under being unrealistic. What it does mean is, which belief helps you more on a day-to-day basis: Knowing that you’ll see her again and everything will be as good as it ever was? Or believing that this relationship is hopeless?

Given that I am a generally positive person, I will naturally drift towards the more positive belief. It just so happens that it’s the one that, in this particular case, is the one that will help me out more.

Follow me @Marwanalshafei where I spark rainbows within people’s subconscious and make the world go round n’ round.

Despite this somewhat-dramatic post, it’s actually not that bad and things are going pretty well.

Like I said, I think a huge mistake that a lot of couples make is looking too far ahead. Focus on what you can do now instead. Baby steps people! Then again, I’m dumb and young, what do I know about relationships?

So far so good.